I miss you.

The actual day was spent with the beloved family. 22nd december marks the winter solstice and because my grandma celebrates winter solstice every year with tang yuan, my birthday is never forgotten by her and my aunts and uncles. The boy and i paid her a visit at the columbarium in the afternoon. I really miss her so much. Eventhough she is no longer around this year, we still hold on tightly to the tradition and gathered for a feast.

The first birthday without her.

My grandma's place right in the heartland of Ang Mo Kio.

wishing

Thought of you when i watched E.R this afternoon. And before i knew it, the tears just came running down. i really wish i could hold you in your last moments... to hold your hand... to brush your hair. there was a 84 year old lady who passed away in the show. Her husband sat beside her and sang her a goodbye song. I wish i could sing a song for you. I wish i could say goodbye to you.

I wish for time to turn back so i can take your earrings out again and put them back for you.

missing you alot today.
thinking of what might have been.
angry a little, at the doctors for not not being sure, for delaying.
i know i shouldn't feel this way now.
but i do. angry. a little. but still am.
I miss you alot today.

love you ah ma

your green cardigan

the quilt you sewn for us

your delicious food

your gentle heart

the pat of your hand that puts me to sleep

sleeping next to you

your lipton tea my green tea

a wrapper of the sweet you searched high and low

for me the day before you left.

the necklace you wore on your wedding day

i will wear as i walk down the aisle

"A grandmother is a lady who has no children of her own. she likes other people's little girls and boys. Grandmothers don't have to do anything except to be there. They're old so they shouldn't play hard or run. it is enough that they drive us to the market where the pretend horse is and they have lots of coins ready. Or if they take us for walks, they should slow down past things like prettgy leaves and caterpillars. And they should never say 'hurry up.' Grandmothers don/t talk baby talk like visitors do because it's hard to understand. When they read to us they don't skip or mind if it's the same old story over again. Everybody should try to have a Grandmother; especially if you don't have television, because they are the only grown ups who have time." ~an essay by a 9-yr-old girl.

My grandma is a lady who loves all children like her own. She holds our hands and listens. Her eyes are always shimmering and watery...eagerly waiting to hear the little things that goes on in our lives. Her simple touch comforts and assures. She remembers all our favourite food. Never failing to whip out those dishes when we are there. The booming voice from her tiny frame rings through the kitchen... no matter how much we ask her not to cook so much... the rice the food just keeps growing. One of those things that is signature Grandma and simply because she loves us so much.
I love my grandma.